Saturday, November 8, 2008

Polygon (Firing Range) Полигон

i cant believe this was made in 1978, but it reminds me of newer computer animation that is stylized to look like handdrawn animation....

a scientist bent on revenge makes an artificially intelligent tank that targets fear, and of course it turns on him in the end...great story barring the cheesy flashbacks, but just watch it for the animation...i cant even imagine how long it took them to airbrush each frame...

Friday, November 7, 2008

Russian Prez: 'Putin Could Serve 2 More Terms'; Me: 'We Don't Actually Hate Russians'

MOSCOW – Russia's constitution will be amended by year's end to extend the presidential term to six years, lawmakers promised Thursday — a move that could pave the way for Vladimir Putin's return to the Kremlin.

It would be the first change to the Russian constitution since its adoption in 1993. A six-year term could mean 12 more years as president for Putin — the current prime minister — who has not ruled out getting his old job back.

President Dmitry Medvedev, a Putin protege, had suggested raising the term from four years to six Wednesday in his first state of the nation address.

Pretty much everything GFK was worrying about in his post a couple months back is coming true. Medvedev basically just gave a speech a few days ago saying, "We're back. We're going to kick some ass. Fuck you if you can stop it." Now Putin may wind up back as president for 12 more years due to his handpicked errand boy changing the rules for him.

Gosh, you know, I LOVE Democracy. And I LOVE Authoritarianism! Both have such great tastes, but where can I get both of them together, like in some kind of fucked-up government version of a Snickers bar??? Oh, the president of Russia. Great! Wait, if democracy is the caramel, and authoritarianism gives you peanuts, what's the nougat? DUH - the secret intelligence services!

Putin will probably get away with it because of them. I can't imagine what it must be like to be an opposition leader right now. It's probably like having bowel control issues and going on a roller coaster called THE ELIMINATOR. You probably can't even stand up without your asshole closing to the size of a pinprick. How can you organize anything that might change the government when you could be infiltrated or subverted or hurt?

This probably all sounds mean. Looking back, it looks like we really hate China and Russia. Look, for anyone Chinese or Russian who might ever read this (HA!), we don't. Seriously. Chinese people, chinese food, chinese basketball players, chinese culture (except the music, sorry, I can't take it) rule. Every Russian I've met socially has been all class and really cool to meet. Russian music rules. Russian literature OWNS. And both your countries are so beautiful it's sick.

But here's the thing, obviously we aren't a gang who loves authoritarianism. It's bad. And frankly, your bosses scare the shit out of me. Probably the same way our boss for the last 8 years scared the shit out of you.

When you think back to you having watching a gang run our country without anyone holding them accountable, watching them rewrite the rules to suit themselves and ignoring all the ones they didn't want to bother with, heading out into the rest of the world and fucking with other people however they pleased to win the WARAWN TEAR, maybe you have an idea what it's like for us looking out now.

We've got nothing against the people in either place, and hope they don't feel like we do. Just bear in mind dealing with your bosses frightens the fuck out of us right now. The last couple years couldn't have been a cakewalk for you either, so please just be patient with us if we start running drills about hiding under desks again.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Wham, Bam, Hologram

So the big news yesterday was something about america's first black president being covered for the first time ever by the first female hologram to ever appear on CNN.(way to try to upstage history with such a dumb and trivial stunt guys)

But if you are a crazy person, this would actually be like the millionth time a hologram has been seen on CNN... don't believe me? lets roll the tubes...

Exhibit 1- WTC destroyed by missile disguised as a plane using a holographic projection
i dont even know what to say about this one. these people are such assholes...this brilliant theorist posits that a gleam of light coming off the plane as it hits the building and explodes is a 'scalar flash...' ok. sure. what? i'm tempted to send this guy a video of someone lighting a fart and telling him that it's evidence of a 'positronic vector-based replasmatation..."

Exhibit 2- Shapeshifting journalists working for the reptilian conspiracy
ok before i go into this i just need to say, please don't annotate your vids with captions in comic sans and knock it off with the fucking techno...i can only imagine paul revere warning us that the british were coming while wearing tevas and waving one light stick by land and 2 if by sea...for fuck's sake, if the world is really in danger, try to make us take you seriously...
so, some people believe that a race of reptile humanoids from space or hell or the center of the earth are conspiring to eat us..and they even walk among us despite having slitted pupils and millions of razor sharp teeth and hideous scales. how? holograms, duh. bush? reptile. cheney? do you have to ask? the royal family, cindy mccain, fox news reporters, cnn, they're all in the tank for the conspiracy. but every now and then, one of the truth seekers out there gets a little too close to their tv while wearing a foil hat and fucks with their've seen digital artifacting before...a digital transmission lags for a minute and then you get pixels from multiple frames over time overlapping and the image starts to look really funky...i saw it used to pretty good effect in a Presets video once... but that explaination sounds a little too convoluted doesnt it? more likely is that these people on tv are experiencing a glitch in the holographic field that keeps them looking as lovable and mammilian as elizabeth hasselbeck.

Exhibit 3- Kate Moss as a hologram for Alexander McQueen
i dunno, she's in a pyramid, thats like freemasonry or ancient aliens right? pyramids. yeah.

Michael Chrichton Dead

From here:
LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Michael Crichton, who helped create the TV show "ER" and wrote the best-sellers "Jurassic Park," "The Andromeda Strain," "Sphere" and "Rising Sun," died in Los Angeles on Tuesday, his public relations firm said in a news release.


Crichton also invited controversy with some of his scientific views. He was an avowed skeptic of global climate change, giving lectures warning against "consensus science." He later took on global warming and the theories surrounding it in his 2004 novel "State of Fear," which attracted attacks in its own right from scientists including NASA's James Hansen.
Look, just because all his doctors said that he had cancer didn't make it so. In fact, that probably made it LESS so.

Stop and think about this.

There's a lot of money in cancer.

*holds up back of hand, rubs fingers with thumb*

Laaaaaaaaatta money in it. So what do you think those doctors' diagnoses are going to be? That's right: cancer. See, what happens with this sort of consensus science is these guys don't like to be wrong, so they tend to back each other up with diagnoses and cause-and-effect, because they know doing so makes their jobs secure. They also like to make money. And if they can just keep agreeing with each other, they can keep the funding flowing.

Stop and ask yourself this question: How many years have the global cancer doctors been telling you the reason people die of cancer is "cancer," and how come there's no cure for it yet? They've been fighting it for decades, and cancer's still here. Maybe because... when we realize there's no such thing as cancer, the government checks stop showing up?

The fact is that cancer doesn't exist, and even if it did, it would only be caused by three things:

1. Cancer volcanoes.
2. Cancer spots on the sun.
3. An intergalactic overlord of the Canceroid League named Skip Geech who would come to earth and shoot cancer into people with mind lasers because he heard their bodies stored fresh muffins.

Follow the money.


I'm so fucking drunk right now.

Nothing will ever be like 2004. When Foulke flipped it to Mientkiewicz, I was pretty sure I heard every person in my neighborhood and for three neighborhoods over totally explode in joy. But this was pretty fucking incredible. I think I heard at least ten surrounding buildings. It probably would have been louder but I bet each network called things at slightly different times.

Who cares? I just went on a parade with about ten other people over about half the city. It was like we were doing kick return coverage or something; we kept running into tons of people dancing and running around, but we kept this wedge formation going on. Maybe we were protecting the booze. Nobody's going to work tomorrow.

I have to go to bed, but a toast before I go. I shouldn't, but one more Jamey isn't going to kill me. No toast to HOPE — too vague. But as the scion of old ward heelers, as the great-nephew of a fixer and a crook and a man so twisted they're going to have to screw him into the ground at the funeral, fuck it: to no longer being scared shitless by my government.

Tomorrow, when I make a cell phone call, I'm just going to stop whoever I'm talking to at the moment so I can say, "Hey, you, crusted photophobic NSA golem listening to every fucking word of this. Start rewriting your resume, you crypto-fascist shitfuck."