Sunday, October 28, 2007

Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox

for winning the World Series.

Also congrats to you, GFK.

You dick.

Here's a joke:

Q: What's the difference between Red Sox and Yankee fans?
A: Nothing. Everyone else in the world thinks you're both assholes.

Okay, that's not very funny. Here's another one.

Q: What's the difference between the Yankees and the Red Sox?
A: The Yankees spent $140,805.545 more on payroll than the Rockies, and the Red Sox only spent $89,102.214 more.

You might not laugh at that one either. Sorry. But at least you guys are a true baseball team, unlike those evil Yankees who just buy championships. You had a lot of home grown talent. You had Youkilis, Pedroia, Ellsbury and Lester. You only ran out and bought:
Manny Ramirez
David Ortiz
Jason Varitek
Coco Crisp
J.D. Drew
Julio Lugo
Mike Lowell
Curt Schilling
Josh Beckett


Daisuke Matsuzaka.

And you only had to spend $51,111,111.11 just to get the rights to offer him a contract! (That's more than the total payrolls of four different teams.) Then you only spent $52 million ON his contract. (That's also more than the total payrolls of four different teams.) Combined, that's more money on one pitcher than 24 other teams spend on their whole rosters in a year!

You guys are such lovable losers!

(Two WS in three years)

(Fuck you.)


George F.K. said...

Maybe if your city's fans didn't try to trade one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL every off-season, and if you didn't boo one of your best batters, and if you had the decency to be fair and not play in a bandbox, and — most important of all — if your fans didn't boo Santa Claus, maybe he'll bring you a championship this generation.

L-Scott said...

Bandbox? BANDBOX?

Look Mr. Williamsburg short porch in right and Mr. we built a giant wall about ten feet back from the infield in left, so even shitty hitters can lace a ton of doubles all year and rack up that OPS. I won't hear any of this "bandbox" BS. If I even knew what a bandbox WAS, I'd figure out something smaller than that and vandalize the wikipedia entry for it so I could describe it as "still three times larger than Fenway Park."

George F.K. said...

Fuck. I've got nowhere to go after that.


Uh anyway, fuck you for having an awesome new stadium and fuck you for loving Fenway when you came up here. You were buzzed by the fourth inning, and by the stretch I thought you were going to try to make love to the park. That opportunity for you to simulate sex down the third baseline only cost about four times as much as doing the same at CBP.

stir.max.alot said...

ohhhhh thank goodness the two of you are discussing this sport for dainty fucks who like to enjoy finger sandwiches and handjobs in the park between "walking" to "get on base" and then hoping to "run home" before something horrible happens like sprinkles of water falling from the sky.