Sox Batting Stances Through History

This guy's a pretty great mimic. He exaggerates everything, so most of it comes off as mocking, which means you Sox HAAAATAHS ought to get a kick out of it. The Youkilis one is at the end and absolutely worth it. God, I hate having to root for that guy.

I'M CALLING FROM THE AIRPORT!!!!!!!!

Blogging this one from the Delta Lounge, gang.

In about an hour, me and the now Mrs. Cindy are taking off for Italy. It's a sexy peninsula shaped like a long lady's boot. I am going to have lots of sex there.

Sorry I didn't comment on whatever the fuck you bozos just wrote: I was busy getting married. It's like a party where people like you and give you things and at the end you make them go away so you can have porno sex with awesome costumes. But mostly you get to throw a party all about getting to the point where you have The Sex. If you don't know what that's like for me, I'll get your mom to tell you all about that later. She knows, personally.

I'm going to eat so much pasta, I'll need to punch holes in my belt. But that's going to be fine, because I'm carbo-loading for fucking. In Venice, we're doing canal sex. In Pisa, we're setting the record straight. In Bologna we're just going to eat. Fuck you, I get a break. In Florence, a three-way. Oh yes, I will be in Florence too.

Also I'm going to see enough churches that I might convert before I get back. But not before we're done fucking.

PASTA. I NEED CARBS.

YOUR COMMIE!!! - More Different Than You Think

First of all GFK, sorry for making this a new post. I'm not trying to WAR on you or anything. It's just that blogger - fuck blogger - doesn't let you embed pics and youtubes in comments.



Obviously I get what you're talking about. Look at that video. It's a joke. I wouldn't show that to someone trying to sell GM cars in the field. (Then again, maybe I would. More on this later.) Fuck being a field agent for the CIA. It's a joke as any kind of field-training primer. But you're getting caught up in MST3K'ing it instead of seeing what else it has.

Look:
0:53 - An agent acts in "intemperate fashion" by drinking booze. We lose the Cold War.

1:11 - An agent holds hands with a strange woman. We lose the Cold War.

1:28 - An agent sits in a huge plane cabin where there are no seatbelts (did they have them then?) but basically drinks too much and tells technological details to a stranger. We lose the Cold War.

4:23 - "The writing from her back home is no substitute for being home!" This is the explanation for a guy walking out on his wife to find another woman. Look how hard it is for him to walk out. He even wadded up the picture with the other girl's face on it. Infidelity=hard to succumb to! Succumbing to infidelity=We lose the Cold War!

Then we see the weird mental derail of this guy getting laid. Like his brain shuts off in Eastern Europe when someone shakes the goods.

Look at this guy's face when he's about to go get laid with someone who's not his wife. First he licks his lips like some lizard, then he stares like he saw Jesus.



That not bad enough? Then,

6:35 - [this is verbatim] "'No!,' he thought. 'It couldn't have happened to him. Not to him!'"

It's like the voice-over is talking about catching VD. He got caught by foreign spies but... chlamydia!!!

8:50 - "Walk the straight path abroad just as you would at home!"

The big mistake you're making is thinking this is either totally real or totally a joke. It's either one, for CIA agents. But why would anyone make a film this bad for them? This is schlock aimed at the American public. It's got a 1964 copyright on it, and it was probably written in 1964 and meant to be distributed in 1964.

You know the history of the CIA better than anyone here. You know them. They weren't liberal. They've always been New England Presbyterians with guns and the presidency and data. You think they'd leak this without a point? If this is real, it's not an intelligence training video. It's an America training video. Don't drink. Don't fuck. Don't tell that Ford rep on the plane what GM is up to.

Loose Lips Sink Myths!

First CGI by soviets?

KNOW YOUR COMMIE!!!!

So it says, and so I'm inclined to believe it. (Sorry that's not a video link; that's the credit page.) It's too much to think it's anything other than true. Even Hollywood doesn't make pictures this clunky.

The seduction from "evil foreign spies" is so obvious. Even the regular citizen at home in America could spy it from afar. The bribe, the woman suddenly touching the hand, the cabaret singer who wants to make love, the stranger on the plane who wants to know (in detail) results about the grain harvest in [insert state].

As a propaganda piece about the Soviets, it has no persuasion. As a propaganda piece from the Soviets, it has even less. As a spooky glimpse into the world of espionage for an average American audience, it's not even as interesting as popular film. As much as I might want to search for something else happening here, I'd be wrong. There isn't. There's just another bad idea from our government, working at cross-purposes to reality, effectiveness, being entertaining AT ALL, you name it.

Watch it for fun. Forget the rest.

Sark No Longer Feudal

No, not the guy from Alias. The island. The one that's part of the Bailiwick of Guernsey. I am not making this up. I couldn't make this up.

Sark is a small island in the English channel that, until now, was rented from the English Crown by a "seigneur," who ruled the island as its feudal lord, dispensing rents to citizens, given permission to staff the island with a military force, and who was the only person on the island allowed to keep pigeons or an unspayed female dog.

I was going to post the article, but the Wikipedia entry about the whole island is amazing.

Apparently to make it in the EU, they had to give up being feudal, which is sort of disappointing.