I'M CALLING FROM THE AIRPORT!!!!!!!!

Blogging this one from the Delta Lounge, gang.

In about an hour, me and the now Mrs. Cindy are taking off for Italy. It's a sexy peninsula shaped like a long lady's boot. I am going to have lots of sex there.

Sorry I didn't comment on whatever the fuck you bozos just wrote: I was busy getting married. It's like a party where people like you and give you things and at the end you make them go away so you can have porno sex with awesome costumes. But mostly you get to throw a party all about getting to the point where you have The Sex. If you don't know what that's like for me, I'll get your mom to tell you all about that later. She knows, personally.

I'm going to eat so much pasta, I'll need to punch holes in my belt. But that's going to be fine, because I'm carbo-loading for fucking. In Venice, we're doing canal sex. In Pisa, we're setting the record straight. In Bologna we're just going to eat. Fuck you, I get a break. In Florence, a three-way. Oh yes, I will be in Florence too.

Also I'm going to see enough churches that I might convert before I get back. But not before we're done fucking.

PASTA. I NEED CARBS.